whine.conn

Avinash Subramaniam

Writer's note: if you utterly, inherently, strongly, vehemently dislike rebuttals this may not be the article for you. The fact of the matter is Mr. Conn's article in The Hindu, deserved nothing less, if not more. Plus, in this day and age of total cricket and mental disintegration, when such things happen, I tend to take it a bit personally. Like it's some sort of an attack on what's good for Indian cricket. And my apologies to the readers for the same. But this is not something a lot of us would stand for. If nothing else, read this for a point of view. Read Mr. Conn for a point of view. And then decide whether I am being unduly harsh in my response. And on that somber note, let the games begin!

According to Mr. Conn, Sourav has, at numerous points in the series, treated the umpires and officials like serfs. (An obnoxious, if not downright stupid accusation to make.) Excuse us Mr. Conn, but on what basis are you leveling that kind of accusation?

Because Sourav was 10 minutes late for the toss? Because Sourav was five minutes early for the toss? (Believe me, the man takes exception, and strong exception at that, to even that!) Because Sourav didn't come dressed in propah cricket attire for the toss? Because Sourav was convinced, and rightly so, that he had a case against Mark Waugh in the second one-day international? (Obviously you look the other way when Damien Fleming is doing his 'demanding' from the umpires.) Because Sourav wouldn't shut up in the face of incessant abuse from the Aussies? Because Sourav decided he and our team would take no more?

Ah, I get it, because you fell short of the Final Frontier. Aww, Mr. Conn. That must hurt oh, so, so badly. But maybe you should take a leaf out of your great captain's book. And take it like a man. We have a great deal of respect for this absolutely marvelous team of yours. Please Mr. Conn, don't spoil it with this kind of irresponsible talk. Sure Sourav hasn't done everything right on this tour. But treated officials like serfs?? Try another angle, Mr. Conn. This one's not working.

So let's try another angle. Mr. Conn somewhere else in the article also goes on protest loudly about how Sourav questioned the square leg umpire, once, on the possibility of the ball from McGrath that dismissed him in the last one-dayer being over shoulder height. And the fact is, that's all Sourav did. (And again, rightly.) He did not have an extensive dialogue with the umpire. He did not glare at the umpire. He did not look back even once after being given marching orders. Therefore his case is not the same as Slater's or McGrath's or Gilchrist's. All of who did at least one, if not all, of the above and were therefore penalized for it. Check the video, Mr. Conn. And then, try another angle. This one too is not working.

So let's try yet another angle. How about this one where Mr. Conn rubbishes Indian manager's complaint against the Aussies for all kinds of subversive tactics... oops, mental disintegration, by using stray examples where the Indians have done the same. Like, Sachin, when bowling, going after the Aussie captain in the last one-dayer. And why not, Sachin went after McGrath too. (On second thoughts, let's not remind you of the painful memory of your leading bowler being smashed out of the attack every time the Little Master Blaster was at the crease.) In fact, let me not say more on this. Let's just leave it for the world to decide if a team were to be penalized for sledging more, not just sledging, sledging more, which team would that be? India or Australia? Umm, I hate doing this Mr. Conn, but sorry, you're going to have to try yet another angle.

Till then, let's just bask in the afterglow of having been part of an absolutely enthralling series between two teams represented by men of the highest character, and skill, who gave it all to make the last two months of our lives pure cricketing pleasure. We love what we've been part of Mr. Conn. And we suggest you do the same. (On second thoughts, maybe I shouldn't have dignified your whine of an article with this shamelessly heartfelt rant. But then...)

PS: Dear Malcolm, have to tell you this before I go. You ought to read some of the mail I get in response to pieces in support of Sourav. I think there are enough among us calling for the Indian skipper's head for some reason or the other. We don't need any help from you. We're past masters at taking potshots at our skippers. Right Sachin? Right Sourav? Right Azza? Right... my, the list just goes on. We ought to be ashamed of ourselves.

(With no apologies to Malcolm Conn.)

Avinash Subramaniam

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